Allison Veneris
Professor Charteris
WRTG 3007
11 September, 2012
Failure is Not
an Option
Living in a sorority
house, I hear a wide range of discussions from how disastrous Miley Cyrus’s new
haircut is to the latest political scandal, but from time to time, there is
that unsettling question, “what is your biggest fear?” For most, this is just a
basic question that comes with answers such as snakes, heights or even pickles;
my answer is not so simple. From as far back as seventh grade, I dreamed of the
day I would finally be off to college, studying what I wanted to study and
living the way I wanted to live. While the rest of my friends dreaded
graduation day, I could not have been more excited to be that much closer to
getting out of the bubble I lived in, other wise known as Huntington Beach,
California. Coming into college, I was confident that these would be the best
four years of my life, but the same day I started dreaming of college was the
same day I started fearing what came after it.
Unlike most teenagers,
the thought of being off on my own at college did not scare me at all; in fact,
it excited me. Something about the thought of freedom got me wired and no one
could understand why. After all, who would want to leave a place like
Huntington Beach? I certainly did and I could not wait for the day that I could
stay out as late as I wanted to, eat in my own room and make my own rules. The
thought of college, however, always got me thinking about the future and what
comes after that: getting a job, supporting myself, growing up. With freedom
comes bills, working fifty hours a week and too much responsibility that
overwhelms me too much to even fathom. I guess that is the irony of it all;
beyond excited for freedom, but terrified for too much freedom. In all honesty,
I worry that I will not be able to handle it all; failure is my greatest fear.
Success is a clear-cut,
defining factor in my family, as my mother, father, aunts, uncles and even my
grandparents have all achieved success in their own fields all on their own;
therefore, independence and has always been stressed by my parents. From an
early age, my parents made me work hard for everything I ever wanted, even
though they were fully capable of giving it to me, teaching me that nothing
will just be handed to me in life. Throughout high school, I paid to go to the
movies with my friends, lunch at school and all the maintenance on my car,
including gas, oil changes, etc. Nonetheless, my parents had done all they
could to prepare me to be off on my own and there was no doubt that I could
handle myself after they dropped me off at my dorm. My whole life has revolved
around preparing for that day I will be supporting myself completely, yet I
still get a gut wrenching feeling every time I think about that day. My parents
still help me out a little bit but I feel like once they completely release me
to take care of myself, I might fall off the deep end. Thinking about the
future always makes me wonder why I fear it so much and quite frankly, it is
even strange to me why I fear it so much, considering I have been prepared so
well by my parents.
With her success in
business and her ability to provide an incredible childhood for my siblings and
me, my mom has always been someone I have looked up to. When I told my mom I
wanted to be a talent agent in the entertainment industry, her face quickly
went from a happy grin to a straight-lipped frown. The plan has always been
that my siblings and I would get a degree in business and keep the family
tradition going. In the entertainment industry, jobs can be very hard to come
by, unlike in business, where there are more frequent job opportunities. Being
the oldest, I have to lead by example for my siblings, meaning I need to have a
job out of college and give them a path to follow. Especially with the
recession, my mom immediately became concerned that I would not be able to find
work or be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle; her concerns have always been
my own. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up my dream and go with the
safe bet, but every time I do, I remember why I wanted to be a talent agent in
the first place. True, unique talent is hard to come by and I think all those
talented people deserve to have their name heard; I want to be that person who
makes it happen for them. Giving up my dream just for the sake of stability is
not an option. The motto is “you only live once,” so why not live out your
dreams? I am apprehensive that my mom will be right, but that just pushes me
harder to prove her wrong.
Similar to most
professions, internships in the entertainment industry are the best way to
establish connections and gain an “in.” I knew when I entered college that I
would need an internship every summer before I graduated to increase my chances
of getting a job after college. In preparation for my future in the industry, I
was fortunate enough to intern at a talent agency, Clear Talent Group, this
past summer. On the other hand, ever since my older cousins shared their
incredible stories about their times scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef,
bull running in Barcelona or even drinking with the locals in Dublin, studying
abroad is something I have dreamed about doing. Exploring new territories,
cultures and gaining a new perspective on the world was exactly what I wanted
to experience, but then a problem arose. From all the research I had done, I
discovered that Summer 2013 would be the most opportune time to study abroad,
but then that would mean giving up connections I would gain from an internship.
The connections I would gain could be my break through into the industry and
passing that up in not something I’m willing to risk. I would rather stay in
America and have an internship to increase my chances of receiving a job offer,
than gain a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience a different part of
the world. My priorities lie with my future and ensuring that I have the
greatest chance at securing a job after college.
Majority of our life is
“grown up” life, where we are raising families, working to pay off bills, etc,
so, maybe I just do not want to grow up. After college, it all starts; everyone
for themselves. I have the biggest shoes to fill and that weighs heavily on my
shoulders. It is an issue that keeps me awake at night, distracts me during
exams and some times keeps me from eating, but this is not supposed to be a sob
story; this is what I want. I cannot satisfy myself until I’m successful and
although there are plenty of anxiety attacks to come, some how I know I will
get to where I need to be. Even though the road to the destination will have a
few bumps here and there, I have to learn that I can rely on what my parents
have taught me. Failure cannot be an option for me, even though I am terrified
it could be.
The Persistence (or lack thereof) Memory
ReplyDeleteBy Sierra Dulaney
“When what happened…”
It often takes quite a bit of information to jog my memory. I am never able to remember something when someone gives me one little detail to go on. It takes a considerable amount of time for me to remember things as well. By the time I remember something fully it is no longer the topic of conversation. This is mostly a problem in social situations. A friend will say something and then look at me knowingly, expecting a smile or a nod of understanding, but instead they receive a blank stare.
“Do you remember that time when…”
I do the same thing however. I remember an event from long ago and bring it up with a friend, but this time I am the one being met with a blank stare. I remember people this way as well. Look at a picture of my third grade class and I can tell you the names of every single person, but when presented with photos of the students in my art history class that met this week, I have maybe three names for you. I remember people long after they have forgotten me. I am better with faces than names.
“What’s her name? The blonde one…”
I can only tell you the name of half the people I work with. It is a good thing they are wearing nametags when I see them every day. I could not tell you what I ate for dinner last night, so it is a good thing that it is not important at all. But I do remember all the words to the Jabberwocky, which I had to memorize in seventh grade. It is the short-term memory that I seem to have a problem with. The longer ago things happened the better I start to recall them.
“Did I already tell you…”
I forget whether or not I have said things already. I cannot remember if my conversation with someone was imagined or if it took place in reality. If I think about doing or saying something long enough it starts to seem like it has already happened. This has gotten me into trouble in the past. Asking for forgiveness is much easier when I am not thinking that I already had gotten permission.
“What was that movie where everything was so yellow…”
I remember the little details, not the whole picture. I remember what I wore to the first day of high school but not who I met or what I did. Black pants with big pockets and a lace up black tank top. I remember what color my first bike was but not being taught how to ride it. It was red. I remember liking the airport in Minneapolis, but not exactly why.
“Where you there when…”
I hardly ever remember who was with me when things happened. I only remember the event as it pertained to me, either my memory or me is very self-centered. Maybe both. This could be a consequence of doing things by myself all the time, but it does make for some uncomfortable social situations.
“How do you remember all that…”
I get asked this at work a lot, but it’s easy when I say it every day. I know the words to Dr. Seuss’ ABC’s because I read it so much as a child. I can sing along to the songs on the radio in the morning because they are almost always the same songs. If you asked me to do it in a couple months though, I wouldn’t remember the words.
They say an elephant never forgets, but how much does an elephant have to remember?